If I wake up with an unpleasant day ahead.
I might as well sleep on so I can continue dreaming.

P.S. I will very much like to continue my dream and dream forever.

hola

went fish and co. today for dear Shawn and Vanessa birthday celebration. they always got to celebrate on the same day. next will be jo, august and marcus i guess. 3 dumb asses who were born on the same day. =P

oh, for the fish and co. dinner, some bomb just dropped in my wallet and made a big hole in it.
i guess i am not going for any movies until the sem ends. so sad. who willing to pay for me?

i can survive without spending and i proved it. ha. that is until today. even today's mac lunch was thanks to me being a member ages ago. =P it's useful, serve as a back up when you are broke.

people are nice, i am nice.
strangers are also my friends.
=) this is a smile.
=D and this is a laugh.
trying to do both at the same time,
and you becomes mad.

lol... what a poem! so lame. can't stand myself eh.
how? but i am proud lar. proud that i can organise my time well.
ppl come! ask me out! i will schedule a time. but you may need to line up. =P
ha, deciving myself only.
just make me happy lar! i not very happy eh.
but i am high.
so, when that mix together, i dunno what am i feeling.
MAD may be the word.

i want my money back, thanks.
maybe free some birds for me also.

i want to go out of Singapore when the sem ends leh.
but i don't know where should i go.
i cant effort to go to places to far or to ex.
i just need a holiday with myself.
but too bad, i am absolutely broke.

=)=D=P
i want to keep quiet for now.
i sounded so fake.
adios

This week is cursed, but good news is, it is coming to an end. =)

I was marked absent for all the first classes of the day! isn't that cursed.
I over slept for 2 days, missed 2 buses for one day and then miss my bus stop (cuz i dunno where to stop) the other say. sux.

i am trying to give myself the power to smile and be happy.
so i got so damn tired.

shit lar! still got so many things left undone.
and joel ho is rushing me for the bleach CD!
okbye.

so bloody broke.

*flooded with blood.

haha, i gained weight! i am 45kg now! so happy! can take bike license! =P

i need a long talk with someone. a really long i am talking about, like 3 hours or so. Maybe even 3 hours are short, 5 hours then. no matter how long the duration is, i shall be listerning for most of the time. the comments should be at most 1/3 of the converstaion.
you can tell me about yourself and your life. tell me how you feel towards me. tell me what you think about me. tell me what kind of person am i. tell me how you think our future will be. tell me everything that had ever happened. tell me all that you know. be it interesting or not, the contents should be overflowing, non-stop, and heavy. i just want to be quiet and listern.

thinking isn't of use now. i can't focus and think. i never could, i will drift from the topic.
tell me, what is your brain doing when you got nothing to do? for example like walking alone on the street, what are you thinking about? or rather, what is your brain doing? cuz for me, i think. is it normal to think? if you think, what do you think about?some random thoughts i guess. something's wrong with me, i got too many questions and i think about them all without having any answer.

is having a good imagination a good thing?
i hope i don't imagine so much.
although those imaginations help in reading/creating fairytale, but it adds to disapointment.
and i am so damn disappointed.

being 18 is difficult. i want to go back to the time when i was 8.

i believed in myself, and i still do. but sometimes this strong believe will go missing. and i won't be able to find it anywhere. i will just wait for it to come back, cuz i know it will, and then i will recover. not always that i will recover, but most of the time i guess.

i got the urge to be hardworking, to be busy, and to keep my mind off things that i don't want to think about. but it's not as simple as you think. keeping myself busy isn't going to slove the problem, i know. but by keeping myself busy, i get my believes back. at least that moment of joy keeps me moving on.

physical torture is not the thing that i would do, but i like to try things out. i am curious over everything, almost. and that's why i want to know.

it's raining like snow. how should i feel?

what should i think about now? images just keep floating into my mind and what can i do? i have no control over my thoughts, except when i am busy.

i really need to listen. who would spare me hours and hours of breath?
let it be you.
thanks.

answer my questions as i answer yours.
as truthfully as possible, please.
make me understand, cuz i really need to.

when hiding in between the fact and the fiction, one person becomes two.
I am cloning myself.

ask me, tell me, and answer me. I will appreciate it very much.

i should really face the fact. but how to fact it when i don't even know?

time for me to go into hiding is around the corner. where should i go?
run away, chaos.

Why am I not someone else?
Cuz I enjoy being myself.

But i don't enjoy what happens to me and around me.
what can i do?
just remain myself.

is being myself a good thing?
sometimes.

but by doing so, what do i gain?
*thinking hard* nothing i can think of.

is there ever anyone who wants to be me?
ha, who would want to? i don't think so. no such dumb people.

am i worth it?
no.

sometimes i just think i sucks.
but sometimes i simply love myself.
now i am somewhere in the middle.
i am contradicted.

i want to live in my own fairytale.

i don't want to envious others, but i can't help it.
cuz my life isn't nice.

maybe i should learn to appreciate life more.
learn to appreciate people around me and the things that happen around me.
experience things and learn from them.
and of cuz, i should appreciate myself more.
i want to be nice, i hope i am.
but sometimes i ain't.
can't help it.
i am understanding, but i am losing it.
i am paitence, but i am losing it.
so much of me are losing, what can i do?
safe me.

i so want to shop but i am so damn broke.
i need new shirts. i can't stand all the same shirts in my closet.

money money, so hard to get.
i wish money are like rain drops that, recently, fall everyday.

"改变不能接受的， 接受不能改变的。"

and i still want my skates.

i should learn to never trust again, i should learn to be even more independent.
See what happened when i trust, i was betrayed.
See what happened when i depend on other just for the little benefit that i can get, i lost my money.

the world is so corrupted.
maybe it's only my part of the world that is corrupted.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I am muted in horror.
I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I was disappointed.
Not disappointed at anyone, but the world that i am in.
I want to go to a world so peaceful.
I want to live without disappointment.
But that is impossible, as this is life.

Is there anything that is impossible in this world?
If there is, i am sure there are reasons.
However, how would you know whether it's impossible or not when you didn't even try?
How can you find out the reason for all the impossibilities when you haven't even try?
This is what I told others but myself.
But what am i doing?
I don't even have the courage to try, so how would i know?
No, i really don't know.

I got all the questions but I never get the answers.
I don't want to assume, I want to know the truth.
But somehow, I still have to assume, I have to.
Because if I don't, I would not get the answers to my doubts.
But so what if I got the answers?
I don't know whether they are true or are they just what I want them to be.
You can make my life easlier by stating clear what you means.
Don't let me assume, don't make me assume.

I am all so confused now.
I need a break.
I need a talk.
I need answers.

Why things come and why things go?
Why the trust cannot be hold?
Why the questions can never be answered?
Why the questions need to be answered and why does the answers tie to more questions?

Confusing?
Hell yes.

Oh yes, I can make things better.
But do I have the courage?
No.

Random thoughts:
Actually there are a lot of choices for me, but which one is the right one?
I asked myself this question over and over again.
Every time my answer would be “not this one”.

Look at this!

















Everyone is busy lar! haha.. We are all rushing for Superpitch I guess.

People, people.
Did I mention that I recovered?
I was not sick but I suffered from some "emotion downess".
But, but I am alright now!
yeah!

Ha, so lame.
I feel like talking, so I talk.
I feel like writing, so I write.
I feel like typing so I type.

Just completed some presentation for tomorrow.
No, haven't complete yet. Still waiting for my friend to send me something that is needed in the slides.

I am dieing soon man, the lack of sleep is driving me mad.
Ha.

I got mixed feeling now. So confusing. Should I be busy or should I have fun? Or both at the sometime? Or, should I slack? I should be hardworking!
Ha, so messy.

Damn tired can!
tomorrow have to wear formal, and have to go training!
ha.. doesn't match at all.

So random.

Hey hey, I got a question!
Can anyone tell me why life is such a confusing thing?
I want make it simple, but the more I try to, the more confusing it gets.
The most difficult part is that your world revolves around you.
Whatever decision you made will, in one way or another, affect people.
And the affected parties will come back and make your life even more confusing.
So, decision making is so important.
Sometimes I speaks too fast, I hurt people. Sorry.
Sometimes I didn't think before I speak and I hurt people. Sorry.
Sometimes I lie. Sorry.
I will be honest in circumstances that I am allowed to. I promise.
But white lies are necessary.
You understand?

Sometimes people think too much. Like me.
I always think too far ahead. Too much.
So how?

I need to get into this reflective mood.
However, I got no time to do so.
That is so irritating!
Wahaha! =P

Ya man, cannot make it.
I tried.
sad.

Next time I guess.
I am so lame.
Hmm, I wonder what will those who come across my blog say about me.
Cuz normally people blog in perfect English, perfect sentance structure, or maybe pictures.
Look at mine! What is this! Haha.
Singlish, bad English, lack of colors (although it's meilirensheng).
Haha, maybe this is my style.
I am unique!
Yeah!
tat's comforting.
=D

I think friends all know my style.
But what if some stranger just happen to land on this blog?
Most probably they will say things like "what bad English!" "so childish" "so secondary school" "so ah lian" "so act".
lol.. these are my guesses, you can contribute also.

Ok, time now is 10.13pm on my computer and I am going to sleep!
Night!
Cheers!
West Coast, I can see you. (so near yet so far)

I did well.
It all went well.
So cool.

i don't bother to explain myself.
chaos.

After some years down the road when friend become stranger, will promises still be kept and will trust still be given?

tell me.

I am going crazy.
Day by day I endure the same thing over and over again.
I am so so so so so very sick of it.

I want to tell him stright in his face: can you stop sticking around?
I know that not everything is under control.
But seriously, I can't stand you.
I can't stand the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you look at me, the way you do things, the ego of yours, you thinking that you are so smart, and everything else about you.
Just can't stand you.

Sticking around will make me hate you.
I am so sick of you already and yet i endured for so long.
I am sick of your presences.
I don't even want to talk to you.
I just don't want you around.
Go away from me please.
As far as you can go.

Instead of going crazy from all those projects, I am going crazy with this useless matter.
Why? Because I am just so sick of you.
I should act the way I act, but I simply cannot do that.
I will hate myself if I do that.

I guess I would have to endure for another 14 weeks and everything will be over.
We will be going seperate ways.
I hope, pray and wish that you won't come sticking around anymore.
I will definately enjoy life more without seeing you.
COMFIRM!

I guess I just have this ill luck.
Things I want just doesn't come.
But things that I doesn't want just keep coming.

Crap!
I want this thing to end, but what can I do about it?
Will a confrontation help?

In a shitty position.